When mid March struck along with the coronavirus pandemic leading half of the world into lockdown, like many of us, I lost all of my work in under a week.
I had already taken a break from running and producing my two magazines, in the summer of 2019, in order to work three part-time jobs to pay the bills and keep my head above water, while I planned on growing my own freelance business using the skills I had gained from starting two publications from scratch.
In practise, on top of fitness training (which I loved) and all my part time work – mostly working directly with people – I ended up with very little time for anything else. I drank tea and ate lunch while working and managed to pop out for the odd pint of Guinness or meal out after my partner’s shifts or host a couple of friends for a cuppa.
Then suddenly, EVERYTHING STOPPED. Life as we knew it stopped. No more popping down to the shops at any time of the day or night without thinking about it. No more quick pint after work. No more work. No more training. No more socialising!
By the time the pandemic hit and we all started to realise the seriousness and enormity of it, I was pretty worn out. I wasn’t lucky enough to keep any work to do at home, I could no longer train – I had been learning aerial circus for six months – and I found it immensely difficult to focus on my own business or even keep up with friends, while we watched the world change rapidly before our eyes.
So I decided to have a break.
A break.
Should I feel guilty for this?
No!
Taking three months off work was the right decision for me. Everyone has dealt with things differently. Some have taken the threat of the virus more seriously than others – some even found a way to carry on underground, regardless. In most of our lifetimes we’ve never encountered anything like this before. It’s ok to take time to process and deal with what’s happening around us.
What did I gain from taking a break? I was able to recalibrate, I started to think about what I valued in life and what I wanted from it. I had a pretty good idea of this already, but when you are limited on what you can do, you realise what you miss and what you don’t.
Although I wasn’t working, I managed to get through a to do list that had been building for years, it was so pleasing to strike off things I had intended to do or look into for so long. All the mounting chores around the flat got done. Those little things that make a big difference and you just run out of time for. And those big things that make a little difference that you just haven’t quite got around to doing. I spent time with my partner that I never would have had otherwise. Sometimes it was hard not to worry about what was going on (especially if you checked the news, social media or looked at the death rate) but we still made the most of it. I got a bike (and an e-scooter – yes, really, those dreaded things are so much fun!) I got my confidence back with my bike enough to start cycling on the roads. I even started learning Spanish on Duolingo (sometimes it felt like I wasn’t achieving much and then I remember I went on Duolingo every single day during lockdown round 1).
When the restrictions started to lift, I was ready to get working on some new projects. Although life around us still felt difficult at times, I had a renewed motivation to work and succeed. I’m not going to pretend that it always feels easy, but we all have had to learn to live with what we have – make the most of things. Despite things seeming tricky, we’re still incredibly lucky to have what we do. Just as I was getting ready to relaunch my freelance business and get things moving again I was fortunate enough to take on a small contract with a local council. Things felt like they were starting to happen at the right time.
So we’re at a point where restrictions in the UK have been ramping up yet again and we’ve just been put into lockdown round 2. It was inevitable. We’re going to be living with this for a while more. I’m thankful that a lot of my skills can be utilised online, but this is no replacement for real face to face social contact. Technology is improving, things like video conferencing have got easier and more reliable, but is that leaving some people who aren’t so connected, behind? We mustn’t forget about those who are not as able as us.
I won’t be taking another break during this lockdown, I have too many creative ideas to work on (and lots of people to Zoom!), but it’s important to be kind to yourself and make the best of what you have. Try to enjoy your time, whatever you might be doing, even if it’s sometimes hard to get motivated and see through the fog. Although there still is a huge amount of uncertainty – we have to make the most of what we have and the opportunities that are there. No matter how small they might seem.
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